|If you have any quotes or heckles which you would like me to add to this page please send them in.|
Gerry Colvin encouraging support of live music to a
rather full Woodman Folk Club.|
"It's so important to encourage live music. Now if everyone here tonight
would bring a friend along next week ......
..... you wouldn't all fit in"
John Hoare gets Derry Jones thinking|
John: "There's this tapas bar called La Rana Loca that I used to play at
sometimes, but they've closed it down."
Derry: "I wonder why"
Derry Jones comments that Dick Woodhouse
is very, very quick|
Derry: "Who wrote the Ballad of Cursed Anna?"
Dick: "Jonathan Kelly"
Derry: "Dick was faster than Google then!"
Flossie Malavialle reprimands for complaining about
the fretless bass|
Paul: "This bass has no frets on it"
Flossie: "Stop fretting!"
Sunjay and Derry Jones bare all when
discussing a naturist gig|
Sunjay: " I was booked to do a gig with the naturist society at Alton
Derry: "I bet you didn't do any covers"
Sunjay: "It was a revealing experience!"
Mark Cole of The Jigantics mention of Egg Nog gave
Paul Bedingfield the chance to get in some early
Pantomime practice |
Mark: "When we were at a party after a gig in Holland we started to talk
about drinks when of course the conversation turned to Egg Nog"
Paul: "I hope you read the Warninks"
Paul Matthews causes some concern to Derry Jones
when he promises to set the mic on fire|
As Paul prepares for the Velvet Green set he blows into the mic to check
it is working.
Derry: "Is it on fire?"
Paul: "No, but it will be at the end of our set!"
Anthony John Clarke makes a shrewd observation about the
Woodman Folk Club, prompted by Derry Jones' behaviour
on his return from the toilet.|
When Derry slipped out to the toilet AJC asked us all to sing the Laurel
& Hardy theme "Dance of the Cuckoos" on his return. Derry responded
admirably by doing a "Ministry of Silly Walks" backwards and forwards in
front of the stage.
AJC: "This is the only folk club in the country where self respect does not exist".
Paul Bedingfield confuses Anthony John Clarke's
Mickey Dolan impression with Cleo Laine's scat jazz vocals - an easy
mistake to make|
AJC: "When I was young a few of us used to get together and play play covers
of the Monkees. I was Mickey Dolenz...."
Followed by an excellent rendition of his early Mickey Dolenz
which left everyone but Paul speechless
Paul: "Sounds more like Cleo Laine to me"
Paul Bedingfield puts a name to Gerry Colvin's
obsession with shoes|
Gerry: "I've got a thing about shoes - I just love them. Especially new
shoes; I love the smell of new shoes ... "
Paul: "It's what you call a Footish"
Derry Jones tells Barry Priest to plug
his guitar in - then has second thoughts.|
Derry: "Bas, plug your guitar in!"
Barry: "That's better"
Derry: "That's a matter of opinion"
Derry Jones' likens Ruth Powell's cat's
exploits to those of Paul Bedingfield|
Ruth: "My cat, Mabel, likes to bring us presents from the garden. She
brought us a rat the other day."
Ken: "Yes she is very generous – brings a bird home once a year"
Derry: "Just like Paul then."
Paul Matthews acknowledges Derry Jones'
Derry delays Velvet Green's second song as he removes a troublesome effects
box, which had been buzzing, from the cables running just below the stage.
Paul: "Derry has just performed an Effectectomy"
Dick Woodhouse clears up a long held misunderstanding for
Dick: "Did you know that Trafalgar spelt backwards is Raglafart?"
Derry: " I always thought they were a Canadian folk band!"
Derry Jones comes in with a timely comment about
Bryn Phillips' song "The London Necropolis Railway"|
Bryn: "....and the chorus goes,
They say that the trains run dead on time
To Brookwood cemetery at the end of the line
It was the biggest burial ground in the world at the time
Riding on the London Necropolis Railway"
Derry: "Can I just say that it's the only train that's always on time, but most of the passengers are late"
Amit Dattani of Mellow Peaches, encourages audience
participation, but not to the extent that Paul Bedingfield
Amit: "This is an old blues song about fornication. If you know the words,
Paul: "I don't know the words, but I can do the actions"
Amit Dattani of Mellow Peaches discovers
that time flies by at the Woodman, thanks to Derry Jones|
Amit: "Believe it or not we've been playing together for 14 years now ..."
Derry: "It only seems like 45 minutes"
Amit: "Time Flies"
Dick Woodhouse voices his appreciation of Paul
Paul: "I've got good news for you all. I haven't got a new joke tonight"
Dick: "I hope that doesn't mean we're getting an old one"
Paul Bedingfield wishes Liam Millinship
of BarlowCree Good Luck|
Liam (to audience): "Thank you very much. That's only the second time we've
Paul: "Third time lucky, then"
Derry Jones asks George Sansome of
Granny's Attic for clarification regarding the location
of Dick's Gig|
George decided to advertise Dick Woodhouse's upcoming set at Clent
Parish Hall but had trouble phrasing “Dick’s Gig”. After the third attempt
Derry: "Dicksgig? Isn't that in Belgium?"
Paul Bedingfield and Nick Weston of
Mad Jocks and Englishmen discuss restaurant hygiene|
Nick: "Have you heard that all the restaurants in Disneyland have been
closed? They had rats this big" (indicates size as about shoulder height)
Paul: "Are you taking the Mickey?"
Paul Bedingfield advises on not over-praising
Jack Blackman's "Roadie"|
Jack asks his "roadie" to get his harmonica which he had left off-stage
in his bag, which he fetches and passes to him:
Jack:"Thank you - let's give him a big round of applause!"
Paul: "Don't build him up too much, he might harp on about it"
Corinne Priest announces a song she is familiar with.|
Corinne: "I've been away on holiday and so we're going to do a song that I'm
...... What's it called, Barry?"
Keith Donnelly threatens to sue Velvet Green,
but the threat is immediately negated by Sue Matthew's
Paul: "This is a song I wrote that Malcolm Jeffries said is the nearest
thing to a Waterfall song that he'd heard"
Keith: "I'll Sue"
Sue: "No, I'm Sue"
Derry Jones advises Gary Wilcox to
abandon his plan of memorising the faces of the Woodman audience.|
Gary: "Don't think you can get away with sneaking off in the interval - we
want you to stay for the second half. If you go, we'll know; I've memorised
Derry: "Careful, You'll have nightmares."
Steve Tilston congratulating Paul Bedingfield
on his good fortune.|
After various remarks about his closely shaved haircut fail:
Paul: "I'm at an age when I don't care (paraphrased) what anybody thinks"
Steve: "That's fortunate"
Derry Jones answers a question that has been puzzling
Andrew Cadie of Broom Bezzums for some
Andrew: "We've played in all sorts of venues where people have always got up
and danced. The only venues where they don't get up are Folk Clubs. I've
always wondered why that is."
Rob O'Dell is quick to spot Pete Boddis'
attempt to drum up business when Emma Richards
apologizes for taking John's spare guitar strap.|
John Richards is changing his guitar strap when Emma apologises for
taking his only spare
Emma: "Sorry Dad I didn't think I'd taken your only spare strap"
Pete: " Buy another one!!"
Rob: "Says the man who owns a music shop"
Derry Jones thinks he was born too young to know
Phil Evans reference, but Rob O'Dell puts him
Phil: "Chris Isaaks had a big hit with this song in the early nineties; some
of you might remember it.
Derry: "A bit before my time I'm afraid"
Rob: "No Derry, not the eighteen nineties"
Brooks Williams is offered help from Les Jones
when he forgets his opening line after discussing Dick Van Dyke's
<Following on from Bryn's "Dark Cloud Rising>
Brooks: "I'd like to make a comment regarding Bryn's attempt at an American accent ..... it brings to mind Dick Van Dyke"
<various hilarious comments regarding Dick Van Dyke, were followed by a memory failure at the start of the next song>
Brooks: "Does anyone have a line for me ??"
Les: "Chim Chim Cheree"
Dick Woodhouse questions Ken Powell's
ambition to play the banjo.|
Ken: "You may have noticed that I have a banjo behind me on the stage. I've
always wanted to play the banjo ......."
Rob O'Dell and Mike Silver discuss a
mellowed Woodman audience|
Mike: " I put on Facebook that the Woodman audience always lets the artist
know who's boss, but you're very quiet tonight."
Rob: "We've mellowed"
Mike: "With age? You know what they say - 'Older and wider'"
Paul Bedingfield offers some helpful stool purchasing
After John had spent a little while getting comfortable on Les'
bar stool, Paul offers a helpful suggestion -
Paul: "What you need to get is a special stool with a locator bump in the middle"
John: "I don't go to the same online shops as you, Paul"
Rob O'Dell suggests to Damien Barber where he can find the welkin. |
Barber was giving a complicated explanation of one of the definitions of
Damien: "in medieval times the welkin was regarded as one of the many levels of heaven. It could be up here, or down there ... in fact I don't know where the welkin is...."
Rob: "In the hillside!"
Paul Bedingfield offers a succinct summary to Kip
Wilson's introduction to "Still Life In The Old Dog Yet"|
wanted to be a plumber and spent all of his redundancy money on a training
course. Unfortunately, after he finished his course he found that there were
no jobs available."
Paul: "A bit of a pipe dream then"
Terry Bonham making a valiant attempt to guess the third
line of Bob Fox's A-Level chorus|
first line is "Nailed his colours to the mast" and the second line is
"Nailed his colours to the mast", and the third line is ......
Terry: "Let me guess ..."
Bob:"Be careful .. the third line is always different"
Terry: "Go on then"
Bob: "Nailed his colours to the mast"
Terry: "I would have been close!"
Nick Dow appreciating Paul Bedingfield's
(Starting Song): "I'm a man of striking appearance .... hang on, I'll just
put my guitar down..."
Paul: "I see what you mean!"
Nick: "I like a ready wit. Tell me when yours is ready."
Keith Judson's comment sails by Clive Carroll|
should really look out for this band; it's got Rafa in it's name.."
Keith: "Rafa? There's a boat moored outside with that name"
Clive: "Sorry! That one sailed right over my head"
Derry Jones finally discovers the cause of the humming
that had been bothering Sarah Smout of the Gren
several attempts by Derry to cure the humming that was coming from
Sarah's monitor, Gren launched into a discussion regarding his stage
Gren: "I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I've worn the same shirt to my gigs for the past five years ..."
Derry: "Ahh! That's what the humming is!"
Dave Kennedy and Steve Wegrzynski
discussing the fate of old rockers|
foot stomping guitar playing from Dave in "Byker Hill"
Steve: "He's a rocker in his other life"
Dave: "Us rockers don't go away, we just go acoustic"
Paul Bedingfield impressed by Pete Boddis'
|Pete: "I was
going to do "The First Time I Saw Your Face", but it's already been done, so
I'll do this one instead.
Paul "You know three songs??"
Tommy Dempsey and Paul Bedingfield
commenting on Nick Evans changing guitars.|
playing in the Tommy Dempsey Band changes his guitar in preparation for
taking the vocal lead
Tommy: "Oh look, He's going to play the good guitar now he's accompanying himself!"
Paul: "Is that the guitar that's in tune?"